I know I should be so fucking mad at him but I just can’t stay mad. He’s been so good to me lately. He’s making time for me tomorrow morning because I told him I had a bad day today. He says he’s all mine tomorrow. I’m writhing in anticipation.

I just keep getting deeper into this…but oh, it feels so nice.

Alright, I’m in need of some advice. Dating advice. If anyone would like to listen to my little story and give me their input, it’d be much appreciated.

Here it is, 

I’m 21 years old and I’m currently “hanging out” with someone who is significantly older than I. I’ve always been attracted to older guys, but have never acted on it. I am now and I’m extremely nervous about it. For many, many reasons. My family is against it, he’s much more successful and experienced than I am, it’s against social norms, he just got divorced, and so on…

Sounds like a train wreck right? Well, it is truthfully. But, I’m in too deep now. I really, really fucking like him…so, advice anyone?

If any of my followers are good at giving advice and wouldn’t mind helping a sista out, pretty please message me!

my aunt took this picture directly after me coming into her room, telling her I hate life, and plopping down on her bed

she laughed for like an hour

How can you be so alone, even while sitting next to someone you love?

The closest I can get
To describing my time with you
Is this
Do you know
When you’re at the very end
Of a movie and
You have an overwhelming feeling
Of melancholy and and almost regret
Without any understanding
Without any
Or when you look outside
And see trees in the dark for
Miles
Or when you can’t get past
Anything
That
That is what it feels like

So there’s this older guy who recently asked me for my number and I’m really into him but my family is giving me hell about it. Any advice on how to go about this?

So I’m sitting talking to my uncle about our completely fucked up lives and I realize…our lives are never, ever going to have any sense of normalcy to them. I don’t think anyone’s life does, really. I think that’s just how it is for most of us. I guess life would be pretty boring if it were normal, right? You know, life…I don’t think it turns out anywhere remotely close to what you thought it would. I don’t think anyone leaves life unscathed, without damage. Damage is such a huge part of life, but a good part as well. For from damage comes healing. Healing. That is a word that gives me hope. It breathes life into me. And I know, I know that from all my pain and suffering there has to come joy. Damage can linger for awhile, but it can’t last forever. Hope, and love, and joy will prevail.

It hits you
Like the rain when it crashes on the pavement
It’s soft but it stings, deep
I miss you
While you’re in the next room
But not really
Just the idea of who you were
Everything I’ve touched breaks
Don’t let me touch you
I couldn’t if I tried
I don’t think you’d want it either way
And that’s what kills me

I honestly think there is a reason for people coming in and out of someone’s life. Life is constantly changing and so, we need different people for different things. People move on, that’s just the way it’s supposed to go. Now matter how much it hurts to watch someone leave, you will always feel that lasting imprint that they left on you and your life. It never fades away, even when the memories of the person might.

She’s sitting upright in the living room, while no one is around.

The only thing she stares at is the dust falling to the ground.

The tv is turned on, but it’s only the static.

She can’t even pay attention to anything.

She gets up from her reverie,

but not really.

She walks around in a daze,

Tries to filter her brain through the haze.

An unsuccessful attempt is what breaks the soul.

So don’t even try to follow suit.

This is mad, this is maddening.

She doesn’t ever know what’s happening.

And she supposes that she prefers it that way.

She supposes.

Life is just so unpredictably haunting yet so unequivocally beautiful at the same time. There’s just no denying that our mistakes is what makes us who we are and ultimately who we will always be in life. There’s something just so pure and wonderful about it to me. That we will always make mistakes, and that’s just life. And in the end none of it really matters. I think there are other important things to worry about than making mistakes. Make someone happy, make art, make love. Make sure you focus on those things and make damn sure that’s all you ever worry about. Life is honestly just too short.

me: hey mom how was your day?

mom: HORRIBLE! first our electricity was cut off because i forgot to pay the bill, your sister had to come home early from school because she was sick, she threw up everywhere in the car and i practically threw up becuse of the awful smell and having to clean it up, your father decided to go on a business trip for the next week and a half, i forgot to go to my hair appointment today and now the girl won’t let me reschedule, i also forgot to return that movie to the redbox and now it’s been bought for 27 dollars on my credit card, i-

me: 

How many nights have I spent
Trying to stop that inevitable fall
How many minutes have I wasted
Looking back on it all
We were once whole, and okay
We were once able to see through a day
Without balking what needed to be
Without hating what we couldn’t see
I can’t resist forgetting you
I can’t forget resisting you
I’m confused; oh but really I’m not
I’m simply out of my mind
I’m always in some bind
Of a kind
I’ll say nothing at all
I’ll wake after the fall
As do we all
Will I be aware
That you’re there?
More than likely
Yes
But I guess
That was what I’ve always known
In my heart of hearts
In my way of ways
What am I even getting at
Oh you’ll see
Eventually
I’m always trying to breathe
And feel
Something which was never real
Was it? Wasn’t it? Is it?
I can never tell
Well
Afraid this is ending
Here’s the message I’m sending
I’ve had enough
I’m feeble, not tough
But not truly weak either
My back’s turned to the wall
And I’m starting to hear it all
Just make it stop
Take me away
Into any other day
And keep me there to stay
I won’t spend my nights like this any longer