Life is so goddamned fucked right now. Why can’t people just see the good that’s right fucking in front of them instead of looking in a toxic place for it? Fuck.
Well tonight didn’t particularly go as I had planned but it was nice all the same. R and I somehow got on the depressing ass topic of shitty parents and I got a wee bit choked up. You know that moment when you feel someone just completely understanding you and your pain and you just feel so grateful to have them there with you. I felt that from him. He stroked my back and arm and just was there for me. He really can be sweet sometimes.
So, we’re lying in bed tonight cuddling and R says some snide remark about something…I decide to brush it off because it’s late and I know he doesn’t mean anything he says. He’s been without his meds for 8 days now and it’s really fucking him up. Instead, I drew his attention to something he said earlier. We were arguing about his recent behavior and he said something like: “Try living with this for 15 years.” He was referring to his ex divorcing him after dealing with his bipolar disorder for that long. So, (later in bed) I said: “You know, Richard, I could put up with you for a hundred years if you were just a little nicer to me.” His response was sincere. He told me he would try his best, especially once he has his meds back. I hope he gets them soon. I hope things get better between us as well.
Even though there’s so much shit that’s been left unsaid between us..I’m glad to have him be there for me like he was just now. It is so nice to just have someone hug you close and tell you that it’s going to be okay and that they’ll help you.
liking you, feeling for you…is like wishing to see the sun rise, when you never wake up before noon. wanting you, needing you..is like needing a sharp hit to the stomach. i never asked for any of this. i never asked for you to waltz into my life with your fucking cute half smile and sarcastic words and your need to save me but your want to still save her too. i didn’t need your kiss as i walk out of the door, or for you to brush my hair out of my eyes, or the way you look at me like you wanted me so goddamn badly but just couldn’t handle it. you have fucked me, in more ways than one and even after you took my hand and tried to hold it but in the end let it fall, i still want to be beside you. however i can.
how you gonna in one breath tell me you don’t wanna be in a relationship with me right now but in the next tell me not to fuck any other dudes
get off my jock
i hate you, except not reallyyyyyy
my life is dumb
"I sure do miss you, Falynn. There’s no doubt about that."
I cannot wait to see him. He made my night the best and he’s thousands of miles away. I can’t wait for him to hold me and touch me again. Sigh.
"I never meant for you to get in this much…I didn’t mean to let you in like this…but I don’t mind it."
Once Upon A Time
Cuddling in the cold
Scratching your back
Truth or Dare
You stroking my hair
Telling you anything
The little things
Just had the literal most amazing, mind blowing sex ever while listening to 90s grunge pandora. Does it get any better? I think not.
If you’ve yet to experience the gloriousness that is morning sex, you’ve yet to live.